Report: Abell’s mother has met with Crean, wants son to stay at IU

The Indianapolis Star is reporting that Remy Abell’s mother, Natasha Gold, has met with IU coach Tom Crean in hopes to get her son to stay at Indiana.

Crean said in a release that, “Right now, there is no change in his status. We continue to support Remy with ongoing dialogue, academic assistance and he has full access to our facilities to work out. My main concern is for his academic well being.”

Trying to contact his high school coach and hope to have more later.

UPDATE: Lots of back and forth on this this morning, but at the end of the day, Remy Abell will not return to Indiana as confirmed by his former high school coach Jason Couch. It was, by Couch’s account, Abell’s decision. Despite his mother’s prodding, Abell did not make his own formal plea to return to the program and will now go through the transfer process.

30 comments

  1. I love it…mom knows best and is looking out for her son…I love this kind of stuff! His minutes would double next year…I never understood this!

  2. I agree J Pat, Remey’s best option would be IU. But I got a feeling that he has stopped going to class….

    It is easy to forget that these are 18-19 year old kids.

  3. I say come back Remy. You know the system, and a great kid to top it off. This is a case of a young man, being conflicted. It happens. Remain positive, and the minutes will come to you.

  4. Reading the report on Inside The Hall makes me think a lot of you owe CTC an apology about your Remy being “creaned” accusations.

  5. Like sands through the hour, Glass, these are the daze of our lives. Never a dull moment in the Hoosier Nation, eh?

  6. Remy is in an interesting boat. There’s little doubt that he would be a valuable asset to the Hoosiers next year but, unless it’s determined that Yogi’s height is a significant handicap and Remy’s point skills improve significantly, he stands little to no chance of ever being a starter.

    I find the timing interesting. His announcement comes right as the incoming recruits are being showcased in all star games. It may be the first time he’s taken a good look at his future teammates.

    While Remy staying in the candystripes would probably be a good thing for the Hoosiers it might not be in his own best interest. He’s certainly good enough to start for plenty of other programs. I’m betting CTC would love to keep Remy around for an insurance policy but who wants their role to be that of an insurance policy?

    Remy’s Mom is probably thinking more about that degree.

    I hope Remy does what he thinks is best for him and he stays happy with his choice, whatever it might be.

  7. Very poor parenting skills or no relationship with your Mother? What kid quits a school where he has a great scholarship and has time to further his basketball skills without allowing his parents to help make the decision. It sounds like Remy did tell his Mother what he was doing and mislead coach. Now after the fact she wants to fix it. Good luck and is also sounds like he stopped going to class which could make him not eligible also.

  8. Aruss, you nailed it. This story would appear to go directly against all the Crean-haters and trolls who have accused IU’s coach of running Abell off. The facts did not matter because the news of Abell’s desire to transfer fit their narrative and fed their Tom Crean Derangement Syndrome (TCDS). They jumped to conclusions, but it does not appear any of them are jumping at the opportunity to apologize or admit they were completely wrong.

  9. RonB, are you now or have you ever been the parent of a 19 or 20 year old adult? Having had that experience, I can tell you that they’re not always easy to “parent” at that age. The reality is, once these kids turn 18, when push comes to shove, they can do what they want, no matter how stupid it might seem to be. The only leverage Mom and Dad have over a young adult is the threat of removing or withholding support (financial or otherwise). A lot of young adults, raised by good parents, make choices that go against the advice or desires of their parents. It does not mean they’re bad “kids,” it just means they want to do things that Mom and Dad do not think is in their best interests. It’s been happening for thousands of years.

    When my daughter was 19, after having three neurosurgeons tell her she should quit playing college soccer, she ignored them and continued playing for two more years. She knew the risks, but did it anyway. Since graduating, she’s had two surgeries on her back and will probably suffer chronic back pain for the rest of her life. Outside of kidnapping her and chaining her to a refrigerator, her mother and I were helpless to prevent her from playing. We even consulted an attorney, who told us, “in the eyes of the law, your daughter is an adult. You have no legal means of stopping her.”

  10. I don’t think I agree Podunker. Many, many 19-20 y.o. have more sense and better judgment than their parents. This is particularly true if you have taught them to make choices based on good, solid, thought out reason such as fulfilling obligations to team, service brothers and sister, the community, their sense of mission.

    One question, and not about the child…”We even consulted an attorney,…” Do you still think your choice was the right one? Would you have done the same thing if the ‘child’ was your son playing football at IU or some other B1C university? Just wondering.

  11. Tsao, I don’t see how you’re disagreeing with Po… He didn’t make a statement that “parents are smarter” or “kids are dumber” or that “all kids…” Or even that “most kids…”

    Maybe you should read what he said more carefully… It was extremely benign. I don’t see how a single person could disagree with a single point Po made…. They all had qualifiers or were indisputable facts.

  12. Podunker, I have 5 children from ages 43 to 29 and grandkids over 20 and I can tell you none of them would give up a scholarship without talking to their Mother and I so you assumed wrong. Maybe today’s 19 year olds are less responsible now but my grandkids are solid. Maybe I was just lucky to have such good kids or maybe their Mother and I did a better job of staying in tune with them when we raised them. I am not trying to pat myself on the back so I guess that is why I find it odd that he would not tell his Mother. It does not matter now because he is gone for good according to the most current reports.

  13. Tsao, I don’t understand your post #13 above. What don’t you agree with?

    All I meant to say is that a young adult’s decision, which may be contrary to the wishes and/or advice of his/her parents, does not signify bad “parenting skills” or “a bad relationship” between the parent and young-adult child (reference RonB’s post #10). Good parents often raise kids that, once they become “adults” (in the legal sense) choose to do something that their parents advise against, or think is a bad decision. And a lot of good kids choose to do things that go against the wishes or advice of their parents. And the good parents are limited in their ability to stop their young-adult children from doing what they want to do.

    As for consulting an attorney, while the legal option was a long-shot, no I don’t regret exploring every option to try to protect my daughter.

  14. RonB, wow five kids. You have my respect. But I was not assuming anything, especially about your status as a parent. And I don’t think Remy is giving up his scholarship. Based on the story, he’s just transferring to another school and will have the benefit of a scholarship there. He’s certainly good enough to play under a full-ride athletic scholarship at numerous other schools.

    You might be right about the parenting or the relationship, but I don’t think it is fair to speculate about the relationship or the parenting skills just because a young adult makes a big decision without first informing his parents (if that is what really happened). Some times, young adults just want to make their own decisions without any input from anyone else, especially their parents.

  15. Judging other people by the behavior of their children is an error filled assumption. I’ve been lucky and dodged some bullets but I’ve seen some pretty spectacular individuals have children that have made some bad decisions completely outside the purview of their parents.

    You can control your own behavior, nobody else’s. If someone is judging you based upon the behavior of another it just speaks to bad decision making on their part.

  16. Po, what you said was easy to understand… Some people just love projecting their own meanings on easily understood statements. He does it all the time, even to people he respects (like you).

  17. I know I was impossible to parent at 20. I also can see myself in RA’s position giving up a scholarship so as to go somewhere to showcase my skills full time. I also think it is right his Mom tried to rebuild the bridge to IU. She’s the Mom. But Remy will do what he thinks will make him happier and attain his goal. Best wishes.

  18. What I ask was a question about him and his Mother. I never said she was a bad parent or he was a bad kid. I just thought it was odd that he made such a big decision on his own. Maybe that is just how kids are now days. I am old and old fashioned sorry if I stepped on anyones toes. I hope and Pray that he made the right decision. We really can’t do more than wish him the best at this point.

  19. Podunker, I was referring to the ‘consultation’ with the attorney. I’m not sure I would have gone that far with an 18/19 y.o. and, if I felt the judgment was developed I probably would have resigned myself to accepting a decision I disagreed with.

    I do understand the paternal instincts to protect her, even from herself. My son had several scholarship offers and chose West Point. It didn’t make much sense then; but now, a couple of decades down the road it makes all kinds of sense given who he is and what he is. At the time, all I could come up with was “huhh?”

    We’ve exchanged comments, agreed on much and disagreed as well. From what I’ve seen of you, I expect your daughter has very clear values (many inherited from you), has assumed her ownership of who she is very well and is clearly in good control of her life…even to the point of allowing herself to disagree with you on something that was important to her. That reflects good parenting. I’d say the same thing for Mrs. Gold (Remy’s mom) should be very proud of her son’s decision about how he will establish himself as a person, even if her instinct is to protect him. My old man used to say that the only mistake the Lord make is that every human being He creates should arrive in our life with a pair of scissors attached that we can later use to cut the umbilical cord. The truth of it is that often, we the parents are much more dependent on what we perceive as the dependence of our young.

    (Po, our children do get even. As we get older they start dealing with us as if their belly button gave US birth).

  20. When you think you’re doing right, your kid explains how it’s all so wrong. When you feel guilty of the wrongs, your kid surprises in discovering the hidden values your mistakes.

    If you’re looking in the mirror and already seeing perfection, it seems a bit challenging for your kid to enjoy effing it all up once in a while.

    The worst of fate is never being free enough to make your own bad choices.

  21. Tsao, time and space did not allow me to go into all the detail involved in why we consulted an attorney. Suffice it to say there were numerous issues that we needed to explore, but the primary issue was our concern about her health.

    To my daughters credit, when she’s in pain these days, she never blames anyone else. She knew the risks, knew that she’d probably pay the price for playing those additional years, and knows that the pain she now suffers is a result of her decision. While her mother and I appreciate that and know we did everything we could, it still bothers us.

    I will say this about parenting. The older my children get, the more I appreciate my Dad. Then again, he only had one daughter.

  22. All we can do is teach our children the basis of our values, help them develop good reasoning skills and judgment, surround them with support- to include support with a critical eye at times. Then pray that some of it sticks (like throwing spaghetti up against the wall).

    So far (pray again), no disappointments other than life’s normal cough-ups. Watching them recover from their own mistakes and simply ‘being there’ is also a valuable experience that will reflect on the parenting. It seems to me Remy’s mom has a lot to be proud of in her son both in terms of his performance as an individual and his independence. She must have done one heck of a job nurturing his self-confidence.

    I’d feel a lot better about this conversation and what it says if we didn’t have the added interest of how it impacts our Hoosiers (either way). The decision Remy had to make should have been made on the basis of how it benefits or harms Remy. Several factors may or may not go into that equation, but only Remy can solve it.

    I only see one problem with the manner in which CTC handles his recruiting, including his over-recruitment. Personally (I emphasize the word) I see the ‘commitment’ of a scholarship by a coach as his bond that it will be there for the entire time the player attends IU and plays on the team; with the proviso that he is making an ‘honest effort’ to achieve his best (on the court, in the classroom, in the community and socially). Likewise, when an athlete ‘commits’, I consider it his bond (just as I consider the offer by the coach his bond’. Both coach and athlete have ‘obligations’. How they meet those says much about their character and where I see them in terms of my personal view of them. My position regarding commitments, de-comitments, offering of scholarships, over-offering the same, and ‘extending’ the numbers beyond availability should be easy and consistent based on this criteria.

    To be sure, I give little weight as to how others (in the NCAA, in the conference or simply fans) view their programs. It is, in my view, the proper role of intercollegiate athletics in higher education. I don’t expect this will be a dominant view, least of all within the NCAA.

  23. Well, gentlemen, I just found myself literally explaining to my not-quite-two-year old that “actions have consequences.” One day she’ll understand that if she refuses her half of the granola bar, the other half goes to her sister. As much as I cherish the fatherly advice on here and one day hope to be able to internalize it all and raise my children the right way, it’s probably going to be a while before I can effectively impart life lessons that will stick. Until then, I’ll just do the best I can and pretend like today’s abstract lesson is in any way comprehendible to them.

  24. Podunker, I understand fully and know how we ‘suffer’ over choices regarding our children. Your expanded statement does make sense Po; and I admire your resolve to protect her. That may be, undoubtedly, the hardest part of parenthood.

    It also brought to mind the memory of my father saying to me (as he approached me with his hand in the air)- ‘This will hurt me more than you son”, while I thought “Oh yeah! It’s not your ass!”.

    You must have been and are one great and loving father Po. I hope Mrs. Gold reads this dialogue, in the end it is a tribute to her love of Remy.

  25. Punjab…it does not usually come in such elegant terms. Even with my 2 1/2 year old grandson who wants to run his train on his 5 y.o. brother/older grandson’s side of the tracks we have laid out over the entire living room…they did not understand one word of the dialogue I kept pointing to between Podunker and myself so eventually it came down to their father (my son), the leader of men and finely honed war machine that is their father saying: “G!D. it!…because I said so and sharing is GOOD!!…at which point the only issue left was whether we should negotiate with North Korea and whether or not we should have gotten involved in the Syrian revolution against Assad.

    Both of those issues are easier than which half of the tracks belongs to whom and who gets ‘Diesel 10’ and who gets ‘Thomas, the Engine’.

  26. Just reading the breakdown of the new guys. ITH.

    Hate to wish time away, but looking forward to November.

  27. Punjab, the “fun” starts when your daughters hit puberty. They will transform right before your eyes into something you do not recognize. Nothing I or anyone else can tell you will prepare you for that experience. You just have to weather the storm or find a good boarding school.

    Tsao, I don’t know how great a father I’ve been, I just pray that effort counts for something. I tend to focus on the mistakes I made but also realize that hindsight is 20/20.

    As to your third and fourth paragraph in post #25, while I respect your opinion and wish that the scenario you describe was the reality in college athletics, I believe those long-term commitments are part of a bygone era in DI college athletics. Big money, a hyper-competitive landscape and a fanatical and impatient fan base no longer allow coaches to take that risk and make that level of commitment to a student athlete. Heck, the NCAA rules governing scholarships don’t even require such commitments anymore. It may be the right thing to do, but few coaches and/or ADs are going to place their multi-million dollar jobs in the hands of 18 to 22 year-old men. In some ways, the changes in policies and behavior regarding the duration of athletic scholarships reflect the changes taking place in our culture, where too many jobs are temporary, too many marriages are temporary, and almost everything is built to be disposable. Heck, didn’t we just watch our Federal government renege on a commitment to provide financial support to military veterans desiring to continue their education?

    I’m afraid that if IU wants to remain an elite basketball program, Crean can not afford to embrace the ideals you espouse, and that he came to that conclusion some time ago. I also do not believe he is unique in his recruiting tactics. That does not make the tactics “right,” it just makes it necessary in today’s world. Perhaps, if his programs continues it’s successful trajectory, and he can get the pick of the litter and IU basketball recruiting will stabilize relative to what we’ve seen in recent years. In the mean time, it’s adapt or perish.

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